So I decided to have a cheat day. Mainly because I’ve been mysteriously losing weight, which is almost scaring me now. Like, I was 52 kg, which I thought was just perfect, then I went down to 51 kg, which was ok, but recently for the past 4 days I’ve been around 50 kg (that’s 110 pounds), which “apparently” is underweight. 51 is the minimum.

So my breakfast was normal, Fiber One cereal with some porridge and a slice of papaya. 

Then I had lunch, tiny bit of meatloaf, lots of steamed veggies and a roast potato. 

Then came the cheat meal:

-a gigantic serving of strawberries with 2 scoops of vanilla icecream and lots of chocolate sauce

-2 caramel filled chocolate squares + 1 “fluffy” chocolate square

-2 mini pastry thingies

-1 small slice of coconut/chocolate cake

-LOTS of figs (like, 10-15 fresh off the tree)

All in all, I think that’s enough for today. I don’t even feel that guilty. I know that I’ve gone over 2000 calories, but I think my body needs it today. Tomorrow I’m eating normally. Today I’m doing a lot of gardening, so I will probably burn off 400.

It wasn’t a binge though, which is weird. I totally controlled myself. I had foods I usually don’t really have, which I’ve been saving for a long time. And I think I gave my body a little “boost”. I don’t want to waste away, I want to gain some muscle!

I probably exaggerated though, now I’m quite blaoted and uncomfortable, plus I’m still on my period, so I’ll wait a little while before gardening. 

I feel a bit confused, I hope I’m doing the right thing, all I know is that I won’t be having a cheat day like this again for a LONG while.

What do you think about this? Did I go a little overboard?

Ok I know that everyone has a weakness. I used to have LOADS of weaknesses, ALL of these: pizza, muffins, chocolate, nutella, any cake, biscuits ETC. Now, I control those weaknesses properly.

BUT I still have ONE MAJOR WEAKNESS. Cheese. Damn you, cheese. Especially Brie.

Anyone else still have annoying weaknesses?

I’ve heard a lot about IF. I really want to try it, to tone up and get more defined muscle. 

Also to lose only 2 kg (like 4 pounds), no more.

I just can’t start yet, I live at home with my family where we all have regular meals together every time. I want to start when I go to Uni and live on my own/with roomates. I would do it like once or twice a week, for 24 hours.

Thoughts?

Men don’t have to have their insides ripped apart every month. They don’t have to worry about going to sleep on clean sheets and waking up on a Japanese flag. They don’t have to worry about eating THE WHOLE CUPBOARD AND FRIDGE and craving weird combinations like nutella on peanut butter with jam on a cracker. They don’t have to deal with these mood swings.

And they certainly don’t have to deal with being bloated like puffer fish and feeling fat.

I wish my period would just come already. The 2-3 days before are always worst for me. Plus my boobs (which are small anyway) are spazzing out, wtf. Sorry for the complaining.

/rant

For whoever gives a shit, I guess:

So I think I already posted this, but I had a gigantic slice of muesli/honey pie but then I probably worked it off digging 2 hours in the garden and then walking the dog briskly for 30 minutes. Good thing I kept it a maintenance day. That’s my goal.

It was effing 40ºC today (104º fahrenheit) so my afternoon consisted of sitting inside watching Come Dine With Me. I hate sitting still. Probably why my leg was bouncing/shaking all the time, which irritates my mum. It was even too hot to go in the pool, the sun friggin scorched my face. That’s Portugal for ya.

When I finally go to Uni I’m going to try intermittent fasting, once a week. Like, it’s meant to improve longevity, health, concentration, energy levels and it even helps control weight. I just don’t know much about it (do you guys?) and I hope it doesn’t muck up female hormone levels, since I have troubles with that and have to be on birth control for my periods to work properly.

Aaaanyway, how about you guys? Whassup?

Maybe it’s because I’m like 3 days away from my period, but today I’ve worked in the garden for 2 hours (not straight, 1 hour each time) and that included digging in a ditch, well, clearing the ditch so that irrigation pipes can be installed and such, so that also includes walking around with a wheelbarrow and chucking out dirt.

So I did one hour in the morning. I had lunch. First, healthy, some chicken and rice with lettuce. Then a small amount of homemade chocolate mousse. BUT THEN I had a BIG SLICE of friggin walnut/muesli cake pie thing, which had like 500 calories in it, no joke.

Altogether, my intake today ALREADY is 1700 cals, about. But I dunno if I’m burnt off a lot from gardening, I can’t tell. It doesn’t FEEL like it.

Lol I always tell followers to have a little bit of what they crave and never binge and never starve, and look at me, I go and practically eat a whole pie. Tonight I have to plan a mega-healthy-low-calorie dinner. Seriously.

I’ve just gone for a brisk 30 minute walk. I feel much better now.

I’ve eaten like crap for the past 2 days, mostly because of stress and freaking HORMONAL reasons, but that’s stopping right NOW.

Now, I’ve had my daily intake. I’m not hungry though, but we’re meant to have dinner now. I know I should eat SOMETHING although I’m not hungry, but I’m not having pancakes like everyone else… 

Lets see if I can get away with a green tea and a plum or tomato or something.

Ok so for those who give a shit, I haven’t posted anything yesterday about my “Binge Free Challenge” because these last 2 days have been really bad. I haven’t necessarily binged, but I have eaten mindlessly and in a “aw whatever” attitude. Yesterday I KNOW I had around 2500 calories (net? no idea, but I did walk around a bit the whole day) and today I’ve already had about 2000 but I haven’t had dinner yet. I have however done some housework and gardening, so I guess my net intake is around 1800.

What the hell do I do? I’m not CRAVING stuff, I just haven’t actually had the willpower to say “no” to things! It doesn’t help that I’m 6 days before my period either, I’m bloated as fuck.

Guys, help?

Well I’m 1/3 of the way there! I haven’t binged, although I HAVE indulged more than I should have.

Like, today for lunch I had a healthy “Salade Niçoise” with a tiny bit of bread and cheese on the side, but then dessert was rice pudding, and I went for a second helping!

As usual, I was so full that my dinner was smaller again. Plus, I went jogging for 25 minutes.

Recently, it’s been: Normal breakfast, MASSIVE lunch, small dinner. Hmm. Not very good I guess.

Always room for improvement!

I haven’t weighed myself for a week because usually it just stresses me out.

But… I finally weighed myself today. I’m finally back down to 50kg (110 pounds). I  was this weight before, gained 2 kg, but I didn’t really like the way I got a bit of extra fat, so I’m back down to 50 now and want to keep it that way.

Ok personally, this is my UUUUUUUGW, and I feel my most comfortable in it, BUT apparently it’s a bit underweight for my height and whatever (I’m 170cm tall, that’s 5 foot 7) so I’m pleased and worried at the same time. I feel good, look good and as long as my periods keep coming, I should be fine, right?

All I’m going to do is weigh myself next week on Monday again, not binge, eat healthy, do moderate exercise, and see what happens.

I know it’s kind of bad because I’m happy about what a frigging SCALE is telling me, but I’m more happy about how I LOOK, toned-wise.

Today has been a bit shaky actually.

Breakfast was good, I’ve found the perfect balance I think, then I had a big lunch (noodle soup, chicken breast with boiled vegetables gravy and 1 small potato followed by an ice lolly) but then I had a couple of tablespoons of friggin peach jam. (Why? Because my mum loves making big batches of jam and peaches are really cheap now). Then I had a peach after that.

I went for half a jog and half a brisk walk with my dog for about 30 minutes, and then I had a really small dinner (which isn’t so good either) which was a Wasa crispbread with a tiny amount of leftover chicken and ketchup (weird but delicious) followed by a natural yoghurt. I ate so little because frankly, I wasn’t even hungry and my stomach is acting up.

Could have been worse though! Tomorrow will be a good day.

So I successfully finished day 8! The ONLY bad thing I ate today BUT MANAGED TO CONTROL was a dessert my mum made, which was shortbread with cooked sugary peaches and whipped cream (I had a tiny shortbread piece, some peach slices and some whipped cream- moderation is key!) and even thought it was FUCKING DELICIOUS I managed to STOP and not have more, because I was actually full anyway.

I dunno if it’s just me, but everyday this non-binging gets easier… just 22 days left!

I have no problem with fast food like french fries, pizza, burgers or gummy sweets and stuff, my binges almost always rotate around CHEESE (oh gosh, cheese is so good), chocolate spread and chocolate milk. Yeah, weird. I’ve learnt that I cannot stay away from these foods forever, so I just have a tiny bit of whatever I crave and then stop. I’m determined never to binge again!